What does the silent one need to express to me?

Sitting around the table at Christmas
Loud voices, big personalities
Not much room for a soft voice

Hanging out in a group
People competing for air waves
I don’t like to fight to be heard
Better to stay silent

I say something I find interesting
She doesn’t get it

How will anyone get to know me if I don’t speak?
I don’t like small talk. 

I don’t feel real when I don’t use my voice but I often feel awkward when I do speak.

I’m afraid to have opinions.
It’s safer not to express opinions. 
Then nobody can shut me down.
I don’t know if I can handle other people disagreeing with me.
They might find out that I’m dumb. 

***

Dear dear one,

You can let the past come to rest now. Let the emotional charges attached to memories where you were misunderstood or felt uncomfortable speaking, dissipate. Clean the slate. Welcome in a new era; hello social butterfly, hello master of silence, hello master of sound, hello deeper peace than I’ve every known.   

You’re an adult now. You don’t need to be close to people who don’t make space for your precious voice. You deserve an inner circle of good listeners, sensitive to your thoughts and ideas and energy. Always remember, you can choose your family.

You see so many people around you who cannot bear the silence. They force feed themselves endless music and videos, attempting to drown their inner voices out. But you, you know how to rest in the silence and let the feelings rush forth and be felt. You are a courageous feeler, welcoming your humanity when it moves through you. You are not less than for speaking aloud very little. I know you’ve felt stupid because often no words come to you to be shared. But when a song enters your mind and pushes and pulls at you, you feel the exact moment to share. And it is even more meaningful and powerful because it is in contrast to your silence. 

You are connected to a feeling world that many don't even know exists. Continue to play with this feeling language. It is just as real as the written and spoken language. It is the first language. When you speak this way, observe what happens to the energy of your environment and/or the people in your presence. This will be invaluable in finding your tribe. 

No need to be afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Disagreement is an opportunity for your ideas to be challenged in a healthy way, and learn about how other people see things. Finding out you’re wrong about something isn’t the end of you. It’s the beginning of a stronger you.