I don’t feel real

I don’t feel real
It’s like someone else inhabits my body
giving voice to me
I’m just watching

Am I fit
to be more
than a witness?

Cuz I’m tired of
sitting this one out.

I want to be allowed
in my own mind.

I want to sit on the couch
instead of hiding behind
the curtains
uncertain
that anyone ever noticed
I was there
I received no feedback
but I also didn’t share

floating consciousness
lonely consciousness
what is this thing you call “bliss”?
if god sent a memo
I missed it
I buried all my truth
I was self conscious

but all I’ve ever wanted
was for you
to hear
me speak
from the deepest
part of me
and then
I would know
I’m alive.