You love to see me be independent

You want me close 
but you understand when I need to be far away 
Away 
you value my happiness
You work to help it stay 
You protect my peace in every way 

I thought being your girlfriend would destroy my sense of freedom 
But what it has given me is more personal autonomy
You’ve invited me to welcome in more of me 
You’ve amplified my individuality ooooooh
You’ve invited me to welcome in more of me 
You’ve amplified my individuality

You help me talk things out
And bring order to my life
But I’m the one who makes my own decisions
But I still consider how my decisions affect you

You’ve climbed down into the dark musty rooms of my mind 
and unlocked the doors fractured versions of me were hiding behind. 
You’ve decluttered and organized the house of Jill
So I can stand tall, and be at peace when I am still
So I can paint beauty and remember the thrill 
Instead of the shrill cries 
Of a weeping woman inside 

Having one partner brings me some peace of mind 
I don’t worry about you swimming in a sea of stds and then giving them to me 

Having one partner brings me some peace of mind 
If I get pregnant accidentally, who the father is will be no mystery 

There’s no battle in my mind, comparing myself with your other partners, making enemies, trying to win your time

I don’t have the capacity to care for the emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being of multiple men. Let’s be real. 
As Erykah Badu says, 
“I know I’m a lot of woman
But not enough to divide the pie”

But I still need to express a special love to more than just you 
So I sing and dance 
And fill up rooms 
Providing an environment for all emotions to bloom 

A deep relationship with one romantic partner allows for larger scale, more complex creative projects to be birthed. 

There’s trust in sex, a deep caring nurtured over time 

Having random sex may suck, be traumatic, result in stds, pregnancy, and/or a lot of worrying.
It also could be amazing, but then what?
If it isn’t, will I run back to you with my booboos and hope you comfort me after I’ve not considered you? 

I know there will be other men I’m attracted to. To deny that would make me a fool. 
But trading in long term happiness for instant gratification that results in our pain and broken trust. That I cannot bare to do.

Sugar comes in many forms
A sexy man
Some brownies in a pan
The pleasant taste would not be worth the regret

How can I have guy friends and express my love for them in a healthy way? 
Be clear from the beginning, like Erykah Badu,
”You need to know
I got somebody 
But you’re beautiful 
And it ain’t that kind of party.” 

I’ve got a boyfriend. 

It may be, at times, difficult to resist the urge to touch and be closer to other men and women. 
Do I trust I will feel the line before I across it?
Where do I draw the line?
When you caress my spine?
When we hug for more than 5 seconds?
When I feel the weight of your intentions?
Physical touch leaves a powerful imprint.
So who do I touch and let touch me? And when? And how? And where? And am I prepared to be rude if someone isn’t getting the hint that I don’t want to be touched?
It’s nice to have principles, but how do these principles play out in reality?
Does emotion always overpower sound reasoning?
It may be wise to anticipate powerful feelings trying to pull me out of my integrity.
It is a practice to remain steady and ready to make a tough decision and remember the full weight of my commitment to one man. And my commitment to not lead on another.

Because…
Men’s hearts are not toys 
Inside every man is a little boy
He may not let you see him cry 
He hides his tenderness inside
So I’ll do my best to not fuck with his feelings
Stringing him along cuz I like what it feels like to be liked

Can I have guy friends? Can I love them responsibly? Considering everyone’s feelings?

I overcome my fear of betrayal of my partner by knowing what is important to me, stating it, and upholding it in all situations. It is a practice to maintain a healthy partnership. It requires maintenance and careful thought and attention. 

I accept that responsibility.

☀️☀️☀️

tender love and protection
Unabashed affection 
You keep me safe
Hold me with your strength
A man I am elated to embrace
A man that makes me face
My weaknesses 

You balance 
tenderness  
with tough love

You balance 
Tough love 
With tenderness 

You are my best friend 
I love creating with you 
I feel free and you do too
Through our love 
We’ve built a home a sanctuary

We’ve grown so much trust 
You open up so I can bring healing touch
To the places you’ve been wounded and rushed
In my arms
You’ve found a home 
A sanctuary 

I’m independent in so many ways 
I’m also dependent on you and it’s okay 
You feed me with your touch, your drive, your stews, your sturdiness, your consistency 

You’re always there for me in my time of need
You laugh with me. You think I’m funny 
You understand how I like to hang out at a party.

You give me time and space to create what is true for me 
You save me little bits of your smoothie 
You give me more of what’s good for me
Like nature trips and painting 
And physical activity 

More in love with me and you and life I fall
I used to think one special relationship
Would always make me feel small
But our love our love our love
Grows big and talll
Together we’ve come a long way
The love we share is precious 
I’ll protect it 

The way you paint me in your visions and see my depth with such precision…
You’ve given me the gift of being able to see my own beauty 
I could make beauty endlessly
But I still felt ugly 

All the lively things 
All the lovely things
It makes me happy to watch you 
as I sing 

As your fingers nimbly navigate the guitar strings 
Transporting me to a field of green
I dance in the waves of your
Musical alchemy

You sage me 
You engage me 
intellectually 
And sexually 
We talk and dance around the kitchen table for hours 
You bring me stick wands, figs and flowers 

We can both be prickly people
But in each other’s presence
We’re silly, soft, growling beasts
Shapeshifters 
Repressed theatre kids exploding
In fits of funny and fucked up

I see you seeing me
Your eyes so bright 
I feel you feeling me
With total delight 
I know you are with me 
A stag moving slowly between the trees 
A birdman with wings opening gracefully 
A sacred sentinel 
Looking out for my safety