What does my child need to express to me?

But I’m still a child
Hiding behind a big man.
I don’t know how to be on my own.
I’m scared.

I’m a young, pretty girl…
Someone will take care of me.
But I hope they don’t want to keep me.
My dad wanted to keep me.

I’m uprooted from suburbia
Planted in the ghetto.
Shock.
What is this world of pain?
Where are the grocery stores?
The streets are scary here.
Stay inside the gate
Women have been getting raped.

Naive little girl
Wakes up to other worlds
And wants to crawl underneath the covers
With her teddy bear,
And believe Jesus will make it all better.

I don’t like reality.

I am the child in you that needs protecting. I am the child in you that is afraid to grow up. Will you help me become a woman? This body doesn’t look like what I’m used to. Men stare at me and I don’t know what to do.

What do I do with all of this womanly beauty?

***

Mama Jill speaks:

My sweet sweet child, I know there are things in this world that are hard to swallow, difficult to digest..

You were so sheltered. Waking up to so much truth so fast...some part of you felt you had to dull your senses as to not experience the full weight of your expanded reality. I understand beautiful girl. It’s okay. 

You cried and cried and cried as you came in contact with people who led very different lives from you, not understanding your empathic nature. Sometimes it seemed you were more aware of their emotional turmoil than they were. 

But you are gifted with an acute sight of the subconscious. And as you grow into yourself, you will be able to sense where you end and someone else begins, and illuminate aspects of others that they have a difficult time accessing on their own.

We are always changing and growing and getting older. Your body will change many more times. Enjoy this stage of who you are. Continue strength and endurance training and martial arts so you can protect yourself and show of your body what makes you feel empowered and beautiful. That will likely not look like how most women dress, but you are not most women.

It is time to accept that you are a woman.

It takes a lot of bravery to make the transition from girl to woman...not everyone makes the jump.
I know you can do it though. 
I believe in you. 

You’ve experienced more in your 24 years than some have in a lifetime. I don’t say this often enough, but I’m proud of you.
You continue to amaze me with your resilience and dedication to loving me, protecting me, and providing for me. So lucky am I to know you and walk with you in this life.
You’re so present with me, really listening to my feelings and needs, and have saved me from bad situations. 

I give you my respect and trust. 

I love you little J.