in the wake of her death

A drawing I made on the flight home…

When I saw her body, she actually looked just like herself. Beautiful.
But her skin was cold.
Nothing can prepare you for the raw, unstoppable flood of pure emotion that erupts when you are in the same room as the body of someone you love.

And you realize, looking at their vacant form, that what you truly loved was their spirit.

It was terrible and beautiful to cry with my mom and be made naked by our grief; every wall broken by shared horror, sadness and awe.

I didn’t want to leave her.
But I knew she was gone.

The flowers coming out of the moth sitting inside the eye cavity of the skull were some of the many flowers delivered to my mom’s house along with words of sympathy and support. Julie touched so many hearts with her deeply considerate nature and her lovable dorkyness. Many were devastated and shocked by her untimely passing.

I was strangely calm and focused at her funeral and was able to sing a song I’d already written that was eerily perfect for her memorial.
In my experience, the real grief comes later when everyone goes home, time passes, and you miss the sound of their laughter alongside yours.

Despite tragedy, there is always more life…
may her death inspire the blossoming of a million gazillion beautiful happenings.

In loving memory of Julie Ann Schweiss

I miss you sis.